Our bodies change as we age, which can create friction in any relationship regardless of sexuality or preference. We may not have the same wants, needs, or expressions as we once did, and our priorities can change. We go into relationships seeking understanding, companionship, and shared interests. When we age, it can throw a wrench into what those things are testing our commitment. It is natural for aging, including menopause, to affect relationships.
Loosely described as male menopause, as men age, many will experience decreases in testosterone, causing lower sex drive, depression, and erectile dysfunction. This decrease in sex hormones is gradually happening over the years, which is different from female menopause. The name “male menopause” is seen as not completely fitting or accurate because men do not have a menstrual cycle; instead, it is understanding there are changes in the body that can affect hormones for men as well. Other terms, including “male climacteric,” refer to the decrease in testosterone, referred to as andropause. An abnormally lower concentration of testosterone can cause less desire for intimacy. Recurrent dissatisfaction with sex life or sexual anxiety is possible due to the pressure to perform by yourself or your partner because of previous sexual activity. Feeling disconnected from your partner.
It can cause increases in depression and anxiety. Mood swings are also possible, which can create instability and tension. For someone experiencing male menopause, it can feel like you are losing control. Frustration with the changes, feeling unstable and not like yourself. These changes can make you feel alone, hopeless, unmotivated, overwhelmed, or confused. It is common; many people do not know how to start talking about these symptoms, especially if you begin to feel this for the first time.
A lack of understanding and conversation around the topic can become isolating and confusing. If you are experiencing symptoms of male menopause but do not know about it, it can feel like something is wrong with you. It can spark a need for change, examining your current life and feeling the need to change something. Sometimes, this can lead to pulls for making life-altering decisions. Some people may experience a “midlife crisis,” seeking something to make them feel comfortable with the changes they are experiencing internally, creating more meaning in this time of their life. For some people, it may be changing your appearance, making larger purchases, trying new hobbies, or exploring a new career; it may even lead to questioning your relationship or trying to find love and companionship with someone else.
If you are in a long-term relationship, a new relationship, married, dating, or even single male menopause can affect your relationships. You may not be able to connect with partners the same way that you have before. Your priorities in a relationship may change. Sex and physical intimacy bond relationships together. Many other factors create that bond as well. However, for monogamous couples that are experiencing decreased or opposing libidos, it can cause frustration in and out of the bedroom.
Male menopause can also affect other relationships with family, friends, or professional relationships as well. The mood swings, depression, and anxiety can make us isolate or react to others with anger or withdrawal. You may be more introverted or extroverted, but your interests and communication may change. You may find more comfort alone or with others that may be opposite to what you felt prior. Professionally, you may feel less confident or motivated, affecting your drive for goals you previously had and shifting your priorities. All of this can happen gradually or feel more sudden.
You may turn to unhealthy ways to cope with these changes. Alcohol or other substance use is a way many people cope with challenges and changes. Isolation may feel like the only option when depressed or anxious, cutting off connection with your partner or in other relationships.
How to Move Forward?
Visit your primary care provider to test your hormone levels and make sure there is no other reason. Further testing of the pituitary gland will rule out other reasons for hormone deficiencies. Testosterone therapy is an option that can have risks of its own. Consult your primary care provider on all options that may be available to you.
Individual therapy can be beneficial for handling the emotional and mental side effects of male menopause. Therapy can help discuss goals, identify healthy coping skills, process new changes, and have a non-biased space to express what is happening. It can also help with communication skills, learning more about your needs and how to communicate those in your relationships, and effectively listening and being empathetic to others’ needs.
Building and maintaining a meaningful routine can help you feel more in control. Prioritizing things that can make you happy but can also bring balance. Eating healthy, exercising regularly, finding a hobby that brings you joy, maintaining hygiene, sleeping 7-8 hours routinely, taking prescribed medication, and making time for loved ones. Maintaining your health and not neglecting your needs can be empowering, giving you the energy to manage these changes that are happening internally.
Communication is vital when navigating these situations. Couples who cannot communicate often express their frustrations through passive or more direct aggression or avoidance. Couples therapy can be a helpful next step if you and your partner cannot communicate your needs and feel you need extra support. Gottman couples therapy helps couples create shared meaning, build friendship, increase empathy, understand emotions, and communicate effectively in a structured and supportive environment. If you and your partner are unsure how to move forward, ask for help and invest your time and energy in building your foundation again. Add fun and spontaneity into your relationship again, and can further deepen your friendship bond. Be intentional about the time you spend and allotting for each other each week.
