June marks many celebrations for the male-identifying role models in our lives, including observances such as Father’s Day, Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month, and Pride Month, which emphasize our appreciation for our male caregivers and loved ones. As we come off Father’s Day celebrations from June 16, male role models’ impact on young people’s development continues.
Caregivers have the transformative power to shape their children’s lives through actions. They can demonstrate healthy encouragement, support, communication, compassion, self-esteem, and more. The research underscores the significant impact of fathers in teaching life skills, whether through overt or covert communication of healthy behaviors. Regardless of the unique experiences of your loved ones, we acknowledge and celebrate the profound responsibility of fatherhood and the opportunity it presents to mold future lives.
Flipping the (Gender) Script for Parenting
Recent research has found that most men ‘believe masculinity is about being strong both physically and emotionally’ and that ‘society expects them to be emotionally strong and not show weakness.’ However, as traditional perceptions of family dynamics and what it means to be a ‘father’ continue to evolve, male caregivers & role models play a pivotal role in rewriting the scripts for fatherhood for generations to come.
This shift is not just a change; it’s an empowerment, as it allows for a more inclusive and diverse understanding of fatherhood, which frees us from the restraints of traditional gender roles.
For decades, gender roles within the family have been rigidly defined. However, the stereotypical scripts of the nuclear family are evolving as families become more diverse in gender, racial, and generational composition. This expansion of opportunities allows us to redefine fatherhood and the role of male caregivers. Today, a ‘father’ can take on various forms within diverse families, and children can define father figures uniquely.
As we expand the discourse around flexible gender roles in families, children can become equally as flexible in their perceptions of themselves, their families, and their lives through their parents’ effective modeling of healthy behaviors.
What is Behavior Modeling?
Colloquially, we may know the phenomenon of behavior modeling as ‘leading by example.’ In simpler terms, our actions can influence how others behave. We also know intuitively that ‘actions speak louder than words,’ accounting for demonstrating consistency in our behaviors and what we say to others (including what we say to our children). Social learning theory offers the psychological basis for this phenomenon, which posits that behaviors are learned mainly by observation and modeling.
Consider a young child who copies their parents’ behaviors at home. Or a teenager who quickly catches onto fashion trends and social cues. Or even adults who use new slang and cultural norms that evolve! Each operates through observational learning mechanisms that allow them to adapt to their environments. As parents, fathers have immense power in using this phenomenon to demonstrate healthy & effective habits for their children, using the gentle yet successful approach of behavior modeling.
What Habits Can Fathers Teach Through Behavior Modeling?
Through behavior modeling, fathers can increase their connections with their children while building their confidence, adaptability, and autonomy in a safe environment. For instance, fathers can model effective communication by actively listening and respectfully sharing their thoughts and feelings. They can also demonstrate problem-solving skills by discussing and weighing different solutions to a family issue. By absorbing their caregivers ‘ behaviors, children can develop practical life skills, emotional intelligence, and interpersonal effectiveness.
Help your children learn practical skills to adapt to new environments and thrive on their own when not around their parents, including:
- General life skills, such as household responsibilities, financial decision-making, and career growth strategies
- Problem-solving skills, including weighing pros and cons, thinking critically, and utilizing creativity.
- Self-assessment skills, such as taking accountability for mistakes, introspecting & learning, and asking for feedback.
Children learn emotional expression from both parents, but we often don’t consider fathers’ roles in developing emotional intelligence given norms around more traditional ideas of ‘masculinity.’ However, male role models play a pivotal role in developing emotional intelligence and understanding appropriate expressions for children of any gender. Fathers play a crucial role, often undervalued but integral to their children’s emotional development.
- Expressing emotions effectively, including using “I” statements, allowing yourself to cry, openly sharing emotional vulnerabilities, and asking about others’ feelings
- Validating emotions, including affirming feelings tied to sadness, imperfection, disappointment, and even (healthy) anger.
- Managing stress and coping appropriately by practicing self-control rather than less healthy behaviors such as smoking, drinking, or showing external signals of aggression
- Mirroring self-compassion, self-esteem, and self-care, such as demonstrating positive self-talk, practicing self-forgiveness, prioritizing alone time, and investing in physical health
In adulthood, we often see how we relate to others as reflections of how our parents related to others during childhood. With that said, caregivers are at the forefront of interpersonal development for young ones now and in their futures, as they learn how to relate to others and also observe what behaviors from others are acceptable, such as:
- Assertive communication, such as stating needs, setting firm boundaries, and communicating respect.
- Nonverbal cues include being mindful of facial expressions, body language, and tone.
- Conflict resolution, including being mindful of others’ emotions, expressing empathy, taking accountability, and practicing forgiveness.
- Social norms & manners, such as saying “please” and “thank you,” being mindful of screen time around others, respecting privacy, and asking for permission.
- Equality & respect, including sharing responsibilities, treating others with equal respect, expressing appreciation, and illustrating what behaviors are acceptable from others.
Strategies for Effective Behavior Modeling
- Demonstrate trust and understanding: Consider strategies such as reflective parenting, where you mirror your child’s feelings and thoughts back to them, and collaborative dialogue, where you engage in open and respectful conversations and maintain social safety. Social safety creates a setting where your child can openly share their thoughts and emotions without worrying about criticism. It can help foster autonomy in your child and strengthen your relationship.
- Express love, longing, and gratitude: Invest your time & attention, give meaningful compliments, and verbally express your appreciation of the relationship.
- Communicate curiosity & interest: Show empathy, kindness, understanding, and validation through verbal and nonverbal cues.
- Offer agreement and encouragement: Express your pride in their accomplishments and gratitude for their assertions with positive reinforcements.
- Ask for feedback and forgiveness: Be gentle, humble, and open to learning to allow for safety when asserting thoughts or feelings.
- Maintain boundaries & consequences: Foster a secure learning environment when decisions require appropriate accountability. Remember: consistency is key, including following your own rules!
If you seek to develop more effective behaviors to model for your loved ones or to find support and accountability, consider contacting other caregiver communities, local resources, or a professional for individual or family therapy. Remember, seeking support is a sign of strength and a commitment to your role as a caregiver.
